Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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