don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
