why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize