i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
