She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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