My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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