You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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