It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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