Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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