when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
