did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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