i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it because I queefed?
We need to rekindle our bromance
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
