There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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