I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
