remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize