I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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