I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
