Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize