At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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