Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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