It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
