ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
