Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
