i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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