I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
