Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize