if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
