Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize