I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
