I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
