like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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