I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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