My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize