I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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