Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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