You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
