Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
