I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
