She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
