The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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