I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
organizing the empties. That sober.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
