Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
