SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
