i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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