He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
