so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
