apparently the secret to your success is patron
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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