my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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