There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
