no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
