do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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