Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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