ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
