Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
