Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize