So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
