meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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