I CAN MOONWALK!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Randomize
