she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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