At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize