I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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