got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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