In the future we'll all be gay
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
