she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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