I think I won the penis lottery.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
