I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
