i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
